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Like most men, I had fallen into the habit of only texting women instead of picking up the phone and calling.
It’s quick, it’s convenient, and I assumed it was the preferred method to keep in touch between dates – that is, until I met HER…
The woman who completely changed my mind.
The woman who used ONE brilliant line to literally re-train me to stop texting and actually pick up the phone and call her every time.
She didn't have to nag me, or even come right out and ask me…
But this one thing she said stuck in my brain, raised her value, and made me want to treat her differently than all other women.
I’m going to share with you this brilliant line in today’s video – it’s part of a crazy-simple, 3-step process you can use right away to get this same amazing result with the men in your life…
I’ll also reveal the one thing you MUST have if you want to get past the first date and get asked out a second, third and fourth time… and I’ll tell you exactly how to get it.
And don't forget to watch all the way to the end of the video, because I've got HUGE NEWS for you…
Link to Early-Bird List: http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/thescripts/tellmefirst/
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for me being real is still the real thing...just be yourself and if that person really loves you and really is for you then whatever your flaws are he'd accept you...being real will lead you to the right person...
Thank you, this video is as relevant as it was 3 years ago, I battle with the competence aspect especially when I have done my preparation, listened to the news, read books across the spectrum, made sure outfit is great and I look gorgeous BUT, when the guy has done none of the preparation to reciprocate ; I feel quite annoyed and get flustered as he assumes that he is just the "bees knees" however, is an empty vessel. I am told that I am a bore or know all which is incorrect and I walk away not wanting to invest beyond the first or second date. Now tips on handling the situation like the one described would be incredibly helpful. Thank you
Does it mean the woman has to do all the work? In this example She has to manipulate Matthew to call her. Seems like she spoon feeding a scared little boy! If he was really into her, would he not be brave enough to call her on his own initiative ! 🤔
This is one of those videos that has a potential to change lives. As a guy, my mind has been blown when you spoke about structure and spontaneity. While I am not a very confident person, in social situations I just tend to tell myself just be you and if it doesn't work its not your fault. While on the surface that is not a bad idea but I have had many moments in my life where I felt unprepared for these situations - specifically, I had little control over what I want and should say. The story of "being the best dinner guest" is absolutely crucial as my naive self think people who are very likable and have these amazing stories to tell and when to tell them are rare as it is just in their nature. To my pleasure I was proven wrong. I will try now to bring structure to my spontaneity and balancing my own personality. Thank you Matthew!
I've literally just said thisi to someone who only texted and only when they were bored etc .... I got tired of it , so I've just said that I'm very much over penpal syndrome .... It didn't make him call me instead , but he has disappeared which , looking at it positively, means he wasnt right for me and wasn't as into me as I thought he was ... because if he was , he would have called and stuck around. So I now move on.
I understand we are from different countries, but isn't the definition of "flustered" agitated, confused? A negative feeling? No! I am not trying to be a wiseguy, merely trying to learn what the word means to others.
if I have to use tools to make him call me or act right, do I really want him? or do I want a man who is self aware and mindful haha maybe they don't exist though(outside of training).. outside of love coaches ;)
I have a problem with the way you equal "competence" with manipulating people. I think you are right when you say "You just need confidence, screw everything else" is an oversimplification, but you did the same thing in this video. For me, the competence you need when it comes to dating and relationships, is not to know what to say and to do, to get the result you want. Because, as I already said, that's just manipulation. You need competence in communication. Also, the comparison of dating and working is a little bit problematic, because it implicates that you have to "earn" love. But the right person should love you unconditionally, just for who you are. That doesn't mean you can just act like an asshole, and your significant other has to accept it (that wouldn't be love, of course), but that you have the certainty, that you are accepted and loved, despite of all your flaws. And that means that you don't have to seduce someone, a relationship should be nothing you have to achieve. In my opinion that completely dismisses the core and the character of love and relationships. And one thing many people seem to have forgotten about, is the meaning of a relationships. Nowadays, so many people are seeking for someone who "makes them whole" and therefore have really high expectations. The problem is, the only person who can "make one whole" is oneself. We struggle with ourselves and seek salvation in love, but as long as we can't love ourselves, we will never find true fulfillment in life. And it is not the job of our partner to make us happy. Instead, relationships give us a great opportunity to grow and someone who walks with us alongside the way. It makes me so sad, to see how many people are suffering, because they think they are never enough, since we live in a society who values all the wrong things.
I know I went a little off-topic in the end, but (although the video is 3 years old) i just wanted to share my thoughts. Also I want to clarify, that I don't mean any offense with my comment, these are just my two cents on the issue. To be honest I would really like to know your opinion, about the topics I touched on.
There is this guy who keeps sending msg all the time and promising to call me, so last time he promised to call i just put 10$ on his cell phone and told hem ..."Just in case you have no money to call " !!! I mean rely ...you want to call ,call me, if not stay away ...he stooped messaging thanks god !!!
Listening to the Spontaneous vs. structure thing made me think that, that goes for life in general too. You need structure and somewhere "save" or "rehearsed" to return to, in order to feel confident and truly enjoy being spontaneous. Going to the airport and booking whatever flight boards next, requires knowing you have a good, solid base to return to. It requires knowing that if everything goes astray, you can always return home.
This is true also on a spiritual level. If you're connected to your "inner being", if you know yourself and you're truly aware, if you love life, maybe even if you trust some higher power, obsessing about what to say is silly. Suddenly you gain more freedom in your interactions because no matter what happens, it won't shake your inner being. As a guy I was always a bit awkward but as I matured in this way (and sadly also aged), some truly great people appeared in my life, people whom I wouldn't even register before. One of the great side effects is that I can now talk even to a stunningly beautiful woman and not really "want" anything from her or I can sit down with the mayor of our city and tell him that he's a corrupt asshole :)
I disagree with that being the height of arrogance, because these techniques are very useful but even if you “just got confident” (as if that was so easy!) and followed your instincts (i.e. listened to acted on them), you’d still get the same results, because you instinctively know what’s right and wrong for you but don’t always trust it let alone have the guts to act on it as you said! Therefore, if we did that we wouldn’t need these tips, these tips just help us get there - which is a lot because it’s hard!!
I have you as a little genius in my head, so when I'm about to do something wrong I wonder: Hum... What would Matthew say? I think that helps me 90% of time. The other 10% I don't listen to you because make mistakes is part of life :D
Please create a video on why men string along a lot of women.., feeding them the same exact lines treating them the same exact way... saying he loves them all and wondering why some of them didn’t end up pregnant... he keeps up with all of them controlling them not wanting one to leave ....
No matter 'how' one chooses to communicate within someone there's NEVER any replacement for picking up the phone and speaking to someone one-on-one. Sadly with the proliferation of electronics in our lives people have forgotten how to just pick up the phone .
Hie .. The way u poured ure heart and soul in this clip to communicate and highlight the need for competence and practice to be able to communicate our wishes, feelings and desires eloquently .. Stay blessed mate ... Had I had ure advise when I was blundering through my marriage I would have still been married .. This is not the first clip I've watched nor the last ... And I hope these clips are going to save many hearts from breaking .. May the light be with u
My problem is he is only doing msges daily..no calls..no meeting..May b 2/3 times in a month only..N den he is doing daubting on me..Coz he can t give me time..he can t come out in office hrs..but in weekends n in holidays also he is not coming for meeting..I'm fm Muscat..vl u plz guid me..
Confidence is rooted in succesful experiences, and succesful experiences are based on skills. Confidence is the result, not the start of action. I am a singer, and it is profound, profound preparation and knowing my instrument that allows me to deal with nerves, not confidence taken from the air.
I have known this confidence-competence ratio but never met a competent man who wasn't so engaged with putting all that competent energy into work that there was anything left for a relationship. The expectations are unrealistic, like they expect a sexy confident domestic goddess who has a career job to be at their back and call, be independent and always there for them at the same time??
Are men really so insecure that they need a girl to do everything for them including boosting their ego all the time? Forget about men who are so complicated that they need a science to get involved with you, just find a normal, confident guy.
LMFAO His advice surprisingly does help. Even if you don’t know what you want. I couldn’t believe it. I was very confused about what I wanted after meeting a guy that is EXACTLY like me but I didn’t want to rush things and he did initially. I needed time but it’s been almost 3 months now and we’re doing amazing :) saw Incredibles 2 yesterday and it was fun as always!
Why don't you teach men to be more Honest , generous, kind instead of teaching women to be strategic. Dear women please rise above these situations the moment u react to his texts or not calling he already has power over you. Just learn to empower urselves
haha the generation now be like"yea we're like textmates" hehe...
awesome awesome content.. and.. your voice is so sexy. 😍 your body is sexy. 😍 your attitude is sexy. 😍
Thank you for empowering women. 😘😘😘
Every guy who I had to “hint” to call me and not text was a man who was never interested in me to start with. Every serious relationship I been in the guy called me straight away and didn’t play any games
I don't know how this might go over but I think that if you are naturally good at showing your best traits and good at conversations with all different types of people, don't let yourself get nervous and stop thinking when that certain person comes around. I myself have just realized that if I just pulled out a good conversation starter around the person I like then everything would flow smoothly. But instead, the whole time she's standing in front of me I'm sitting there mentally stressing over what to do and what to say and worrying that she might not like me. Next time I'm just going to get better mental control and be relaxed and my normal self. And open my bag of tricks. I've had trouble gaining this woman's interest since the moment I started to care to much even though I had it at the beginning. Now perhaps I can salvage it. Thank you for this video and your advice. Its brilliant and you are brilliant Matthew.
This should be something you learn as a child. But listening and asking about the other person then getting them to talk about themselves is a lot more important than monopolizing the conversation. Great to be able to have interest in their passions.
This so worked! I didn't think it would and thought I was going to sound ridiculous. Met a guy from London in the US a couple of weeks ago. We spent 4 days together 24/7. Even when I attempted to go home he would insist we go to dinner or something. After about a week of him being back in London, our messages got slower, less frequent and less flirtatious. He would message me every night between 9-11 pm his time but didn't seem to ever call and would take 30 minutes or more at a time to respond to each text. Which meant that I couldn't answer right away for fear of seeming desperate. PAINSTAKINGLY SLOW.
I tried the pen pal line on him (after calling him with no answer) and he called me back. Things went back to the way they were, we flirted, and he seemed to not want to leave the conversation. He even hinted that he wanted to talk to me about something having to do with him visiting me this summer next week after I finish taking my final exams. Then about 30 minutes after the convo I sent him the line about being flustered. He instantly texted me back and kept texting me (without those long ass pauses) for the next hour.
I've done so many of Hussey's moves from these videos and all but one of them have worked. Thanks so much! I should reread the book. I haven't read it in a few years.
Yeah matthew agree that competence and confidence are different things but why should women nowadays have to do ALL that much of effort at every stage of a relationship. Its absurd/insane to have to do all this. Its manipulating the other one at every single step! Isn't love and relationships not supposed to be genuine and spontaneous now?? If we have to watch one of your videos at every step of a relationship/dating its more like a job than anything else! I really don't like your perspective of things. I would welcome your advice for men to be men and for women not to have to watch tons of videos on how to deal with stupid immature/cowardly/flaky men!
Did I play this right??
New guy: Im a very honest and forward person. So when I ask questions, its only to be prepared. (Deep breath) Should I bring Condoms with me?
Me: While you are a very attractive man and how I would love to jump your bones :) Thats not how I want to start a relationship. But after a few dates we can revisit the need for condoms
Him: Weather you do or don't Im still going to want to see you and spend time with you.
Me: Good. I hope so.
It’s amazing really, human psychology is so fascinating! I’m listening to this thinking how much of the insight he’s imparting is no different than trying to incite and reward good behavior and experiences for children! I’m using the Tripple-P parenting model right now with my preteen and there are so many parallels!!!
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