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The Beautiful Truth About Online Dating | Arum Kang & Dawoon Kang | TEDxUCDavisSF

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Arum & Dawoon Kang teach us about the truth about online dating. No longer are we looking for significant others in the traditional avenue. We need to understand the fine points about the other venues we are using, online dating. Arum loves being in the consumer space. She has experience working at Avon Products as well as Amazon, leading efforts to understand consumer needs and behavior to deliver superior product experiences. After graduating from Harvard Business School, Arum is excited to start a business that leverages technology to bring something truly valuable to consumers. After wandering around for years trying to find her passion, Dawoon is happy to be finally working on a matter close to her heart, with & for people she loves! Prior to CMB, she lived & worked in Korea, Japan, New York, India & Hong Kong, in a variety of roles that spanned from strategy & business development, marketing, research to investing/finance. She is a proud graduate of Stanford Graduate School of Business. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
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Text Comments (638)
Derrick Zorns (2 days ago)
I did what she said it didn’t work 😂
Apaphis (4 days ago)
Online dating overall is a scam and a great waste of time for men.
trevor h (7 days ago)
Great talk. Do they have it in English?
JASON KALANI (8 days ago)
Men going after young women is creepy? Haha
steve smith (10 days ago)
Dating websites are just a damaged goods convention
iicei (11 days ago)
On line dating sites are hunting grounds for Cluster B mentally ill Narcissists leading to abuse and emotional manipulation.
Ken Locke,@ (11 days ago)
Hahaha funny the conclusion, when women are allowed endless space. But men don't have space to finish a single thought! Hahaha yes men even online dating sites are configured for woman to win!!
Terry Howard (13 days ago)
Amazing video!!!
Jamie A (14 days ago)
No. 1 criteria is actually RACE and LOOKS
Declan Hill (19 days ago)
I stopped watching at threshold of creepiness, I don't think it's right to shame men like that.
How do the two groups have the same average age and height if the two groups are those who are single and those who are not single. Is that not the same as just saying the average of the sample population? lol.
Bradley Schubert (24 days ago)
Sell sell sell.... Get that membership money... Its just a cash machine.
bob23456 bob (25 days ago)
Men looks Women height and money
hunpo1 (14 days ago)
Women looks, height, money, social status...the list grows longer every year. Don't play their game.
Melissa Jamma (26 days ago)
Great talk!! I like how they gave us workable solutions and left us feeling hopeful and inspired. Great job!
Tom Ciaccio (27 days ago)
So much for the strong silent type?
I ROAM ALONE (1 month ago)
I wanna 3 way these two 😍
Chlarie Peace (1 month ago)
There is nothing beatuiful about on line dating all horrible man it was banning
rocky76dude (1 month ago)
I am not going through online rating and requesting older than 25 to 35 my bio age
Dima Medved (1 month ago)
This comment section is an incel incubator. We all float down here, if you scroll down, you'll float too.
Mana Man (1 month ago)
If you can find a 58 year old that can pop out 6 kids...
Ruth Fanfan (1 month ago)
Threshold of creepiness, lol that's so funny.
Tom Ciaccio (1 month ago)
Thanks- good input 😺
Aron Bechiom (1 month ago)
I've mixed and matched, in depth profiles, blank with pic, likes/dislikes, ALL of it... Turns out, it boils down to SMV and the Chad/Tyrone factor.
Aron Bechiom (1 month ago)
Hmmm...and the range only goes to 40 years age.
Aron Bechiom (1 month ago)
The issue is that women are vain, and hypergamous. Chad and Tyrone are the only guys these validation whores are seeking. Go MGTOW and become Red Pill aware.
Ravi Peiris (1 month ago)
Nice discussion. Gives me ideas on writing a more in-depth profile. Still, I wouldn't mind dating one of the presenters here.
Robert Gity (1 month ago)
Threshold of creepiness? How about we are biologically attracted to what happen to be what younger women have in spades: firm tits smooth skin and a tight figure
awardwin (2 months ago)
The dating game is completely rigged against men. Unless you are a rich man and you wanna date old women of course.
Brandon Hung (2 months ago)
In summary, length is the deciding factor.
Hermann Russian (2 months ago)
Threshold of creepiness? Women at 20-22 are much much more fertile than at 30-40 - take and eat it, dummy!
Frito Bandito (2 months ago)
john loza (2 months ago)
the dating game is 90% racial. ive done my own studies
Carrie Sun (2 months ago)
Too much advertising too out of touch.
Ken Boon (2 months ago)
all the couples at the end all looked like they had professional jobs all good looking ,not your average couple..
Mulatre Star (2 months ago)
Age appropriate to date and marry according to Psychology Today: Divide your age by 1/2 and then add 7. Men by nature will always prefer younger women. Less mileage, not stuck in their ways and look fresher in the face!
Brenda B (2 months ago)
That formula has been proved wrong many times over.
Brian Hill (2 months ago)
The second speaker suggests that going to great lengths describing yourself makes you more attractive and likely to get responses. Writing has always been one of my strengths but I use it to no effect on online dating sites. For writing skills to be effective on online dating, there must be a receptive and appreciative woman reading what you write. In most cases, such a woman does not exist.
Mulatre Star (2 months ago)
Same experience. Most wont read it. They look at your job status first so they can boast. Even if u r blue collar and make a good living, you are overlooked unless you look like a model.
Oscar Gutierrez (2 months ago)
Okay so after 12 minutes and 12 seconds of this video my phone is finally charged enough to allow me turn the other way on my bed
Plan C (2 months ago)
online dating is comprised in majority of single moms looking for their ideal man on hook up dating sites. Married men fantasizing. Serial daters scamming on each other all with long list of lies.
hunpo1 (14 days ago)
Whole thing's just single moms whoring around with the same guys who knocked 'em up in high school. Pathetic.
Tim Saunders (3 months ago)
Men are attracted to younger, beautiful women, and women are attracted to money/status. Who could have possibly thought that would be the outcome?
shane hester (3 months ago)
when dating sites first came out it was a very nice way to get to meet people.because of womens hypergamy and intitlment thinking it has turned into just another way to get layed and not take it serious.
NewYear (3 months ago)
Online dating apps are joke. You sign up and pay and still don't get to message the accounts.
saramations (3 months ago)
The other thing about online dating is that there a lot of fake profiles too. Over the seas people trying to rip you off- be careful. 😩
Pavement Pounder (3 months ago)
Why does she pronounce women as 'woman?'
Alex Moon (3 months ago)
I guess I'm the exception to the rule because for 8 years trying online dating, my profiles were always detailed and yet my profiles always seemed to get ignored, so yes I myself think online dating sucks. It really is just about wallet depth and looks.
gigihonee (3 months ago)
My thought is that people are lazy and don't want to read. Before I saw this video my idea was to write a detailed profile. Not sure why women are only interested in money. I can understand why men steer towards looks. As for financial status, it is more attractive when a man is frugal and manages his money, whatever the amount, responsibly. Men with money can be terrible with their finances. My financial criteria is that a man should have no debt - unless it's a house or student loans. If he has significant debt, which happens, then no marriage, or he has to sign a prenup.
Dave (3 months ago)
Nothing to see, here, folks. Move on. What a waste of time.
Jennifer Silves (3 months ago)
I’m 44 and most of the men who hit me up are in their twenties.
Pool-Aid (4 months ago)
Jump to 6:00 for the actual data lol
Mark Menning (4 months ago)
I admit men are idiots
tubularbill (4 months ago)
Online dating is only about looks. Totally.
Nigel Legall (4 months ago)
Her findings have already been found out documented and at the core of Men and women true basic nature. If you want to meet a partner join social groups Gym, Walking etc. start with something in common. and Go MGTOW ha
Pan-Wakka (4 months ago)
tristan flodin (4 months ago)
Why do engineers get so few likes?
That Random Guyーさん (4 months ago)
IDK, this all kind of just seemed like a long-winded, drawn-out ad to me—but we can agree to disagree.
emanuelgoldstein1984 (4 months ago)
The truth is it sucks even if you do get a date. Think about it — meeting people in real life is a challenge for these people. Why? And if you’re a dude no woman should have a hard time meeting men in real life so let that be a warning
Tremain W (4 months ago)
I tried online dating once, it didn't work. So I tried it again, and before I knew it - I ended up married, middle aged and with more in number than we had - when we met. Now what do we do!??? When everyone swore "online dating didn't work", there was no way I was expecting all this, as an outcome!
Mulatre Star (2 months ago)
Lucky man!
Janice Sal (4 months ago)
Online Dating is an instant open door that requires patience in waiting for the right one for you!
PHILIP WATSON 5 (4 months ago)
uglyblokeonabike (4 months ago)
Forget men women only go for looks and money!
Mila_Diaz (4 months ago)
Yeah but that's not only online that's offline too. Both genders are shallow online or off. Also online dating is hookups not long term.
Priyanka Ghosh (5 months ago)
So, here is a harsh reality of dating and life. We start dating to find a friend, a companion, a lover in a person... But as any relationship gets serious and gearing towards marriage, finance do come into play as you both start managing your money together and eventually when you raise kids it's more important to manage money wisely. In my personal opinion a man and a woman should equally contribute to household. But there might be many people, who would stay at home for better upbringing of their children and since it's many a times woman's decision to do so, they naturally tend to seek men with higher income. This is my personal opinion and in no way intend to clash with people's personal opinion.
DDrummer (5 months ago)
I don't like younger women. I'm a young man that likes older women. But not too, too old.
DRS_ au (5 months ago)
Men pay and women toss away.
Ara Cho Art (5 months ago)
There are girls who are attracted to nerdines and intelligence!!
Cindy Lou (2 days ago)
+Oxron206 really? Well I wonder where nerdy girls meet guys
Oxron206 (2 days ago)
not online lol
Cindy Lou (13 days ago)
CrimsonHazmat (5 months ago)
None near me...
Jacob B. (5 months ago)
If you put their names together it means beautiful in Korean... Arum Dawoon (아름다운)
Sanketh Shetty (5 months ago)
how dare you put labels on people "creep" being a neutral 3rd party service
Bruce Salem (6 months ago)
I have seen these sites that allow men to go look at profiles but ask you immediately to upgrade to premium account on a graduated scale that begins at six months of access for a lump sum of $100 dollars, on up. I refuse to pay, so I get to lurk. Do the women pay to post their profiles, photos, and send out messages? Do they have to invest upfront? I am trying to get myself dropped by these sites. A couple have let me delete my account, but I fear that I am going to have to endure spam for years now. These dating sites must be run by organized crime out of places like NYC, and it would take the FTC to put s stop to the scams.
George Tselikis (6 months ago)
So many people in this world yet so many lonely people.
Jessica Faltynski (6 months ago)
Can you help me get better at it? I just like hot and gorgeous men with good behavior skills
Mulatre Star (2 months ago)
Go where they hang out? Social clubs or better yet churches in wealthy neighborhoods !
Ramir Enriquez (6 months ago)
also realized that people who go for online dating seem to get bored quite easily and would think they could do better and look for a new one immediately. When the spark is gone, when reality strikes in again, they go for a new one to go back to that honeymoon phase. Unfortunately, we're moving to this direction whether we like it or not but I also believe that there are more pleasing people somewhere who also choose to stay out of online dating so not all of the people in your app are your left options in real life.
MarcelDupond75 (6 months ago)
Personally had a lot of success in real life, but way less online. That's simply a law of supply and demand, ECO 101. In real life, and assuming a balanced location (ie not the silicon valley), the supply and demand for men and women is pretty equal. Therefore, on average, a 6 will get a 6 and a 9 will get a 9. Online, the equilibrium point is very different. The demand for guys is lower due to women's higher standards than men. The demand for girls gets higher. The supply of women drops compared to men due to the fact that there are more men than women on dating sites. (2x more on Tinder). The result is a shortage of women and a surplus of men for a shifted equilibrium point to the right, where women become more valuable. In this new market, an 8, man would get a 6, women for instance. So if you're a dude just don't waste your time on a saturated market. There are plenty of places with a reverse logic! ;)
ericn Quinn (6 months ago)
I have a crazy idea. How about "don't do online dating". Especially if you're a man.
gustavo gustavo (6 months ago)
How cool is it to see two unattractive women judging men who have no interest in them? These guys fall just for pretty young women, they are creepies. Lol
Mulatre Star (2 months ago)
I thought the same!! Older women will always be jealous pf younger women as they cant compete!
the moon (6 months ago)
heres the truth: theres nothing beautiful about online dating
Mulatre Star (2 months ago)
Tracie Jones (6 months ago)
I never reality the bs about how beautiful I am, etc, etc... I have beautiful friends, I am 5 foot, slim, and cute is the word:))).... I met my last partner online and we were together for 7 years, too bad he is a narcissist, a lot of narcissist are online. I say hello and actually talk and all the ones saying all the right things, I don't believe. I usually don't use very many words on my profiles, and I do not have a long list of what is perfect for me, I still don't know.,.my texts get longer any longer
dantezco (6 months ago)
Is the threshold of creepiness "half plus seven"?
Super Nez (7 months ago)
Social media and dating apps have totally devalued men! Girls have too many options and their expectations are way too high. All the Young girls follow Kim Kardashian who are brought up with an entitlement mentality, just another tool for girls too get validation but because they are so insecure they don’t have the confidence to date. And that’s the sad truth! And don’t even get me started on the animated filters they post up for their dating profiles with quotes such as ‘ I want a real man who isn’t fake’ these girls are so deluded it’s scary
Elissa (3 months ago)
The "too many options" issue supposedly goes both ways- and yet almost no one is making positive long-term connections anymore. They think that they can keep swiping forever. Also- you think men have it tough- but an educated self-sufficient woman in her 30s has extreme difficulty in finding an "equal." More women are going to college, getting advanced degrees and so forth- the men just aren't keeping up.
Tara Bird (7 months ago)
As a woman, I get swamped with messages from men. I don't have enough time in the day to go through every message. It just gets more and more confusion.
Adam Fox (7 months ago)
So i opened up Tried my hardest Give all the love i can give Years go by.... Now what?
Peggy Harris (3 months ago)
Keep going.
Corode713 (7 months ago)
Accelerated interaction = burnout
pa-ikollo (7 months ago)
ShenkelMcDoo (7 months ago)
Weren't they on Shark Tank?
Geniely Cruz (7 months ago)
Great talk. Love that everything was backed up with data. :)
Treestump (7 months ago)
Is it just me or are most of the people in the comments really sour.
Lucas Ngo (4 months ago)
I use cmb and have good dates although i get a dry spell of 2months but right now my date is a great girl
Treestump (5 months ago)
+CrimsonHazmat I'll try it in a few months and tell ya how it goes. You try dating with pretty severe SPD that keeps ya looking a bit like cousin it from the Adams family.
CrimsonHazmat (5 months ago)
Do you use dating apps, I'm sure not unless you would know what everyone is talking about
donald fewell (5 months ago)
We're a mix of sweet and sour, or just one or the other.
B C (8 months ago)
OMG the audio is so bad. The hum, the echo, and the near feedback from that mic. I just can't listen to this, probably because I'm so annoyed with online dating.
John Mariani (8 months ago)
There's nothing beautiful about online dating. She left out some of the worst graphs that would illuminate how for 80% of men online dating is a waste of time. Online dating for men is cancer. For women who are even modestly attractive it's attention and validation. Her answer as someone making a living off it is basically spend more time and energy on this massive time sink.
Saiyan MGTOW (8 months ago)
I tried. I gave up. Now I'm mgtow and only want virgins.
Bogus Brains (8 months ago)
I go online dating sites out of boredom...I like the questions.
Steve Thomas (8 months ago)
I have been using online and mobile dating apps for collectively over 15 years by this point. I have next to no success and have only managed to get a handful of coffee dates. I have for the most part, always tried to put a fairly in depth and interesting profile description (some sites like OKcupid for example make it easier/better to do this with their templates) and only a few times have I ever been commented on my efforts. The plain fact of the matter is (at least how I've PERSONALLY seen and experienced this), is that it all boils down to "does your face fit?". That's it. Especially when it comes to (shi)Tinder and mobile dating apps. I see female profiles with zero information and maybe even only 1 or 2 pics. Yet I know just by default that they're getting message-bombed left and right. I do agree with the part about why some people are afraid or cautious to put anything more than some very arbitrary text either on their profile descriptions or the messages that they send. But I have spent so many countless hours collectively messaging women and taking a genuine interest to highlight certain traits they might want in a potential partner, for example, to just get nothing back. Or a perfunctory "Hi" and nothing else. Seriously?! The worst part of it all is that no matter how many times I throw my hands in the air and delete all my profiles and remove all the dating apps and swear down never to do that sh** again? Guess what? Loneliness and desperation comes knocking and I realise that seeing as trying to meet someone in real life CLEARLY isn't working for me, then I have to resort to trying online dating. Cue vicious cycle. And I know I'm not alone on this one...
Stephanie Bean (25 days ago)
I'm curious to see what your profiles look like. Having also spent many years on apps/sites (with some success but also many wasted hours), I've seen every type of profile made by men. I'm blown away by the sheer amount of profiles which contain glaring red flags/faux-pas and always ask myself 'how can this guy think he's marketing himself well through this??' I've almost considered going into a consulting business to help men make better profiles, not just as a service to them, but to the poor women who have to sift endlessly through them.. (not really, but hey it's a good idea)
Artem Morozov (8 months ago)
Men want youth and looks, women want $$$. Its all 🥩 🍖 market there
Gary Huang (8 months ago)
Online dating is for cucks
Randy Fricke (8 months ago)
The fact of the matter is, online dating sites give women the attention they crave. That's all it has ever been about. Sure people get lucky and make a connection, but online dating gives woman option overload. They get to feel their hypergamous oats to the max.
hunpo1 (14 days ago)
+donald fewell He doesn't find it threatening, moron, he's saying they're wasting men's time by being attention whores and not going on dates.
Maximilianmus is a cunt (5 months ago)
she can indulge her hypergamous oats as much as she wants, but she's gonna taste my man porridge.
donald fewell (5 months ago)
What do you find threatening about women exploring their options of choice?
Randy Fricke (8 months ago)
I can tell you why men go for younger women. It's very simple actually. It's because when men are say, 21, a 19 year old woman looks hot, and 40 year old women (older women) look like they're 80 to a 21 year old male. But, when that 21 year old man hits 60, that "older woman" is now actually 80. And the 19 year old chick still looks hot. The Dawoon's bod is smokin'!
simon scowled (8 months ago)
Out of all the apps and sites I have used CMB has been the best one. you should a thoughtfully written out profile and the more pictures the better. Don't make me guess which person the profile belongs to. Also Have at least one full body picture, attraction is important The main problem is that people become too picky too choosy and end up with no one. Research suggests throwing out the list of what you want and instead choosing what you need. Meeting people offline is good because you can communicate better and easier and establish trust faster. The difficulty is actually meeting new people who happen to be single
Trautur Vandrar (8 months ago)
Never take dating advice from women. First rule of life.
Average men 5'10 LMAO
SuperQdaddy (8 months ago)
Allow..?..sorry but my experience with women in last 5 years..is poor communication..don't return calls or text...or have anything positive to say...
Moo Young Moon (8 months ago)
A lot of nut cases out there. Why would one "open" itself to random chaotic universe. The problems is western civilization left behind family, tradition and communities witch left them with kids without a strong stable foundation. Online dating is for confused lab rats.
Mark Campbell (9 months ago)
As someone who spent time on all major sites let me say BS. I wrote and re wrote my profile, and hardly even got responses. The few you do get you feel terrible bc you aren't into them but then go into a mental rant about how can you complain when you finally get one response, but why should you settle and realize that there probably isn't hope for you at all. With a response rate of maybe 2% MAYBE, I'd say unless you are Ryan Gossling or Scarlett Johanson like she says in the video, I'd stay far away from this stuff. It's nothing but a depressant
classiccarz (9 months ago)
These two women are terrible presenters
That Guy (9 months ago)
I like women that can actually speak & pronunciate! Is this even a real TED Talk, or a biter woman feuding...?!
donald fewell (5 months ago)
pronounce bitter Proofreading matters.
Treestump (7 months ago)
It's an accent.
Nickel Mgtow (9 months ago)
Angry Buddhist Why not both?

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